Overthinking 101

 

If this was an olympic sport, I would definitely have a place on the podium.

I have an incredible ability to over-analyse conversations, messages, phone calls like no other human I have ever met.

The reactions I have had from people when I tell them what I thought they meant versus what they actually meant is shock, astonishment and a look of ‘what are you talking about?  Just HOW did you possibly think I meant that when I meant the total opposite.’

There is no logic to it and I don’t even know I am doing it.  I just always see the worst in every situation and people have to prove to me that this is not the case.

It can be extremely draining and also time-consuming as I can become absorbed in this warped train of thought and convince myself that a whole other reality exists which is dark and I am alone.  I really am the Queen of Negativity.

If someone pays me a compliment, I am immediately suspicious and assume they are being sarcastic and I look awful, or they want something from me.

This can apply to any situation, at work, at home, with family, or when I am out.  If a shop assistant serves me and I can detect just the tiniest hint of a funny look, a sarcastic reply, my mind goes into overdrive and from nothing I can create an entire situation that never ever existed.  It doesn’t stop there though, because I will go on to replay it over and over until it consumes me and I feel like it is impossible to hate myself any more.  It really is quite a talent.  The human mind is a very powerful tool.  It is unfortunate that it causes me so much misery.

I have just realised something whilst writing this.

Cue lightbulb moment

This is why I avoid any situations involving people and triggering my over thinking mechanism. It makes perfect sense, to me at least.  Why would I want to knowingly put myself in a place in which I will be subject to more overthinking, more negative self-talk and more reasons to criticise myself and my abilities.

Imagine if I was able to turn this around.  Imagine if I could see the good in every situation instead of the bad?  How amazing would that be?  How good would I feel, being able to create scenarios filled with joy and laughter and love and giving myself positive messages.  I know that it is possible.  I have read about people who have done exactly that and now have peace and calm instead of the hell of what is inside my head.  The question is, can I do it?  Do I love myself enough to try?  After almost 50 years of feeling nothing but hatred for myself, how do I even begin?

I don’t know the answer.  Not yet anyway.  I will get back to you when I do.

One thought on “Overthinking 101

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  1. I’m right there with you, joint first at the olympics on this one. I’m terrible for this and like you I do it ALL THE TIME. Like walking down the street, if someone looks at me you should see the spiral my mind falls down! Please share the wisdom if you find out how to change this! Xxx

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